CONNECTION … NOT CONNECTIONS
essays about useless … amazing pathless paths
authors: Adrian Gabriel Dumitru | ISBN: | publish : | page count:130
Tags: Philosophy Essays Family Relationships Life Stages General Psychology Emotions Psychology Essays Psychology General Fiction Family Life General Fiction Family Life Marriage Divorce Philosophy General
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The weird hobby of being a lost soul … an amazing journey on beautiful pathless paths
Experiencing a path that takes us to nowhere … it’s not useless.We should understand and accept that not the destination is important … cause life has no real destination.…but what it is really important is maybe the experience itself.Good … bad … however it is … it all has the meaning to reveal to us the dance of energies beyond the scene of reality… making us aware that all is … energy.Into the end … maybe there is only one conclusion … but i hate saying it.Well … we could chose to connect just on the beautiful vibrations of life … and totally ignore negativity.But … we can’t.I … can’t …Maybe … i’ll never be able to do it.So … life continues …. revealing new and new experiences… and i still don’t really understand the energies ……. the amazing dance of energies.Looking … like a cocktail of …. elements … which induces us the illusion of the abstract.I smile … and i stop being annoyed.I allow to life to continue … and i finally accept that in fact … life would continue anyway … with or without my approval.And … all i have to do is just to experience it … with or without joy … even if i know that the only purpose is to evolve spiritually.So ….
DIRTY ENERGIES … SEEN AS REFLECTIONS
Defining the connection … that sometimes looked like illusory … i’ve realised it all became a concert … of complains.I’ve wrote a lot about … defining … and its importance so that we could have a beautiful existence.In fact i do believe … and that’s my main message that analysing and defining with honesty all we like and dislike … we could reach a point when we could actually redefine our lives … into a better way.And this theory could be available into any of the areas of our lives.In our careers, with our friends … and even into a love story.The only real problem is that in koi to one point …. defining and defining and defining too much … we come into a point when we actually look like people … which are non stop complaining.Yes … somehow all looks a lot with a … concert of complains.And we actually …. ruin all.One of the 2 partners will simple say … “I had enough … “.Today … i smile cause i’ve been into this position … on both sides … in many of the relationships i’ve been involved in.In business… in love … and any other area.So … all becoming ridiculous… we come now into the position of asking … what the hell we do … to be able to improve the connection without destroying it?!When is the best moment when we need to stop doing that?!Why we try to define on and on and on things which cannot be improved?!Can we actually accept that the relationship has its own limits?!Can we avoid being ridiculous… clearly being defined of our partners into that way?!Can we improve a relationship without a deep analysis and define with honesty all?!In fact my list of questions is even much, much longer … but into the end we need to somehow conclude … so …Most probably … all we define is about the dirty energies which we discover while interacting …. but we are never aware of the fact that all is maybe …. a reflection.Yes … a reflection.One that becomes clear while in deep connections… but we are not able to become aware of the fact that all we don’t like into the relationship… are parts of us that needs to be redefined.We should firstly analyse and define ourselves… and keep in mind that into a mirror we won’t be able to change the reflection…. unless we change.And …. It’s so damn simple …But .. what is funny …. is that even if we understand the theoretical concepts… on the stage of reality … we forget about all.So … we just complain.We don’t like that … or that …. or that etc etc…All looks indeed like a pathetic concert of illusory complains … which into the end simple ruins … the relationship itself.On and on …. and on.
THERAPY WITH THE LOVE TEACHER … ALL I NEEDED FOR A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
I wrote 10 books about love, but maybe someone should come to forbidden me … the right of speaking about the subject.Cause to be honest … i was writing so much about it … but … i don’t really know what love is.When i was personally involved … i was blind.I was not seeing clear absolutely anything at all.Most probably … being so, so … deep … in those stories … i did not had the ability to see everything detached and … it all became illusory for my mind.And i had so contradictory … perceptions.But one day … someone told me an interesting story … about how he got all what he wanted in his life … except love.This story made me decide to start writing a new book about the subject … but from a new perspective.This time i was the one that watch the play … like a spectator.I was looking at him.… but also at her.I was not interested to analyze more …. one of the sides … but only and only … the connection between those souls.My new friend started to tell me more and more about his life … and the paradox that even if he succeeded to get from life all he ever dreamed … he could not see any joy at all for himself.There was no reason for him to smile or …. to be happy.His face was always sending to everyone the impression of a profound … unhappiness.But one day … the guy … which by the way was a married person … met an amazing lady … and asked her to be his … love teacher.He could not say it from the beginning … but the next second he had this opportunity …. he found the guts to say it.And the funny thing was that she said … yes.She accepted the fact that he was married … cause there was no other chance to be together for the present moment.So … they started the lesson.Brian … this was his real name … was telling me new and new details.Many times i was simple smiling … not really knowing how to define the 2 of them, but later i realize that Carla was in the same position as him.She tried many times to find the happiness.The Universe sent in her life so, so many men … but all of those relationships looked like …. what we could name as …. pathless paths.This time … with this guy Brian …. all looked different.And he really wanted to understand what love is about.He came to me … confessing about his amazing story with Carla … and we were wondering … why the hell we had to learn so, so many things in school, but never about … love.His relationship with Carla became kind of a therapy.A weird one … but even if it was a slow process …. my friend Brian started to feel like a … different person.He was visiting her in her small studio, spending so, so many hours together … kissing her, discussing together … but also making love.She was teaching him … the tremendous power of touch … the meaning of feelings … and how love can heal our souls.Everyday … was a new lesson.She was his therapist … but liking her so, so much … and falling in love with her … he became her therapist also.In the night he was coming back at home …. and he was meditating more and more of what he was doing.Had no regret that he was cheating his wife, cause the connection itself was broken by a long, long time.And he loved this kind of … therapy.Everyday … he wanted to spend more and more time with her.Her energy … all that love felt while being into her arms … even if there were moments when they simple practiced the silence …. was making him feel cured.I was analyzing them … more and more …. until one day when i had the chance to meet her also.And i had the same feeling regarding Carla … that she was also having therapy with my friend Brian.… love therapy.Now … i was looking from outside at all this … and … i actually saw my stories.… all my love stories.I was analyzing and defining them … but i was trying to understand my stories and my way of acting from the past.It all became so damn clear now.Looking at Brian and Carla … i suddenly understood that all i was doing into my past …. In all the love stories … was to heal my soul.I needed … therapy also.But i was afraid of following a classic way …. at a regular therapist.All needed to be abstract … to hide the fact that i needed … to heal my broken soul.I smile realizing that all those partners … were my therapists ….Brian and Carla made me understand much clearer … my own story.And many others as them.Seeing detached … all those love stories …. defining them in my writings … little by little i started to understand what love is about … and its tremendous power.
THE DESIRE OF MORE IS A FEAR
I’ve started to write about the desire of more …. realizing it’s a contagious disease … that society told me about … on and on and on … but defining it to me …. into an illusory way … as a great philosophy of life.I only had in mind … to present a new perception … about something which looks like a virtue … but it’s just a fear … and nothing more.… a very stupid one.… which unfortunately dominates … many people from our times.… including myself.
Boringness pushed me to live in lies
When i was a child, being alone the most part of the day ... i felt life is boring.So ... i've chased for something to improve things, but i had no idea what i am looking for.Later on ... I've defined this period of my life as the beginning of starting to practice the art of doing stupid things.And ... no matter how young i was, i was aware of all what i was doing.Fortunately or unfortunately ... between a boring existence and a crazy one ... I preferred to feel alive.I simple hate to feel ... bored.Be a zombie.Today ... being into my middle age era ... i realised that somehow i've ruined my life with all the nonsenses which i've done, but i have no regrets.I could even admit that boringness pushed me to live in lies ... but all is ok.And ... i smile.Treating all ... as normality, being a clear evidence that i am still dominated by duality.Which ... translated ... means still being into my nonsense era.But ... I guess ... this is the journey of life.
As others see us
Truth be told, by thousands of years the human being pays a lot of attention to what we call ... the mouth of the world.Today ... we politely say that ... yes ... is indeed important as others sees us.The garbage man is interested about that.The cleaning lady.But also ... the president or the king of the country.Somehow, for a weird reason, difficult to be defined, are extremely important for us all those perceptions, even if we can't clearly understand why.Unfortunately, soon after ... the influences of all those opinions change the dynamic of all.Yes.The way we act.The way we dress.The way we speak.The way we react in front of anything.All.Losing ... authenticity.That ability of being the true self.And ... it happened to me too.Many times.10 years ago.1 year ago.Last week.Yesterday.... even today.But ... i've came into a point when i'm tired of listening to them.So ... i ignore anything they might think or say.Even ... if some of them have good intentions.... somehow trying to be motivational.Fortunately, i feel and clearly know it, that i must ignore all of them.Cause there are too many.And ... actually too many contradictory opinions.All being unclear.I am a good person, an extremely bad one, a horrible character, a person obsessed of manipulating all around, or a human illusory believing that can save the world etc etc.I can only smile.The truth is that ... personally i don't know who i am, even if I've spent so many years into my company.But this charade of perceptions continues.Annoying me.Or even making me sad.Until is obvious that i can live without them.So ... i disconnect.I am on the stage of life, but i am in there more as a ghost.I feel like that ... better.Today i look into their eyes and i smile.Probably, having enough of hearing all those craps, even if indeed many things which they are saying are true ... realising everything is just a perception ... i become detached.Feeling better.And even if i don't have the guts to express myself ... i start to realise the importance of authenticity.So ... my whole focus change ... being a lot related with my inner world.Which I believe is good.At least for myself.
SELF THERAPY
Self therapy is actually a practice used by thousands of years by the humans … to analyze, define and why not even redefine the inner souls … for simple becoming a better self … on the scene of life.Can be used by anyone … with only one condition …. to not lie yourself anymore … and become in the same time the therapist … but also the patient.It’s a non ending process … but i guarantee you … it worth to bother doing it. Realizing the connection with the self … it all becomes different and the answers to all our questions ….will come by themselves … helping us to see the real paths that we should follow in life.It’s quite simple.It works …And we should try it!
THE LITTLE BOSSES
Truth be told we don’t understand so well the world we live in.And it’s not that we suffer of an absence of intelligence… but because we don’t really have the ability to connect to the universe we are living in.We don’t understand the people that are around us.We can’t really understand their reactions …. their way of being … and in fact … almost nothing.We live in here by so, so many years … but …Well …. we don’t even understand ourselves either …In times of calmness all looks ok … but the second a very little change appears in the parameters that define our lives … something is activated inside of us and we start to be dominated by energies … came from nowhere …And we start to have all sorts of weird reactions.All it’s clear … and we can see it’s not our … usual behaviour … or our usual personality… but it’s weird … observing all those new reactions.We analyse … but can’t really understand what is going on.It’s most probably… a hidden side of our personality… but even if we are conscious of everything… we can’t understand what is really going on.… that’s maybe … the nice story … being conscious of some weird energies which are dominating our lives.And i call it a nice story .. cause once we succeed to calm down … this side of our personality … fades little by little.But many other energies are dominating our lives … and we are not even conscious of that.We become into the end … totally dominated by those energies … acting like entities… defined only and only by their obsessions.And we see so many examples like that near us ….People dominate by … alcohol.… or drugs.… or the desire of eating … even if they lost control of their weight.… or money.… or sex …… or work …The list of obsessions is … infinite.I look at the people from the stage of my life, but also at myself … and it’s like some little bosses are totally controlling life into one point.I personally became conscious of it.I know of their existence … and i’d love to define those weird entities that are dominating us … beyond the scene of reality.Don’t know if i’ll succeed … but i’ll try …
EXPLORING SOULS
I think during my lifetime … i’ve been annoyed one million times.I was annoyed of lots of people and the circumstances created by them … and many times … my reactions were really ugly.I’ve blamed everyone.On and on and on.And even if i knew that it was all a reflection … when it came about my own life … i was blind and could not accept such a theory.I was living 2 parallel lives … one where i was a theoretician that is analyzing and defining life …. and one living on the scene of my real life … where i was ignoring all i was doing in the first life.It was a total nonsense to have 2 lives in the same time … instead of mixing them .. and trying to create a hybrid version for my existence.There were moments when i was laughing of myself … of how silly i was … but …Well … i was blind.I count not connect the 2 realities.I could not be … just one.It was like i had … 2 souls inside of me … which was probably the most ridiculous idea i could come with.But …. time was passing … and i was starting to understand… what was wrong.I had indeed … 2 souls.One was the self … the real one, the one connected with the Universe … and the other one was …. my ego … my fake self … which looked all the time … so damn real.I continued my life … balancing.On and on …. and on.In fact i was not applying my spiritual knowledge to my own life … and i kept being annoyed.No matter how good the curent reality was … i always found a reason … not to be satisfied … or even continue being unhappy.It was like i was ignoring … even perfect case scenarios.Well … in both of my parallel lives … i was analyzing a lot …. all around myself … but as a thinker i was looking at everything with detachment … and on the scene of reality … i was treating everything … as real.There was no … detachment.I had to mix my 2 personalities … and become just one.It was ok that i was analyzing everything and everyone … but i had to stop judging and most important to ignore … or at least to pretend i don’t see the dark side of all was going on.I had to stop being annoyed.I had this freedom of exploring souls … but i had to learn to practice … the acceptance.Being annoyed … was so, so stupid of me … cause i was annoyed of … my own reflection.… of what i disliked on myself.Exploring deeply the world and all the souls i was seeing on the scene of reality … was ok.But … the wisest thing i could do … was to let my 2 parallel lives to interfere.Apply the spiritual principles into the real life.Forget about the illusion … of myself.
SPIRITUAL GARBAGE AND OUR ILLUSORY BLINDNESS
Today i would dare to define all our negative emotions as … spiritual garbage.We could speak about … sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, vulnerability, embarrassment, disappointment, and frustration … and many other issues … which bring a negative impact on our lives.After studying the people from the stage of my life, but also people which i never met in person … I’ve realized that many times the life itself … just sucks … because we allow to be connected and also be dominated… by lots of negative emotions.We accept … into our souls … ugly energies … which have a huge impact on us … on short and long term.And … we not even pay attention to those details.We ignore … the impact.We ignore that something which today looks so, so unimportant… sooner or later will have full control … on ourselves.Yes … truth be told … we are ignorants.We see this dance of contradictory emotions … that is actually controlling our lives … as normality.We not even dare to think of such a concept as …. spiritual garbage.But … you know why?!Cause … everyone … let us believe that this is … normal.And … yes … it’s normal to be surrounded… by garbage.That …. this is part of life.I smile in front of such perceptions.Then … i laugh of myself.I realize … how i’ve wasted my life … allowing myself to have inside myself an universe dominated … by negativity.And … changing all … became … just … a decision … but i was too coward to accept this ugly concept of … spiritual garbage.Even … if all was so, so obvious.
The Strange Adventure of a Broke Mercenary (Light Novel) Vol. 4
Desperate for a job that actually results in success, Loren agrees to Lapis's newest suggestion: instead of a quest, they'll partake in a monster hunt. But fate seems to have it in for Loren. The moment they hit the road, they come across a bandit army from whom they rescue a kidnapped elf child. The child leads them to the discovery of dark things afoot in the elven forest. Worse, there may well be a connection between these strange happenings and the darkness Loren and Lapis uncovered beneath the adventurer academy...
PRETENDING
All my writings are kind of a … self therapyAnd i was writing on and on and on …. defining my feelings and thoughts … But it was a little bit funny realizing the contradiction between what i thought, what i felt deep inside of my soul … and how i was acting on the stage of life.… analyzing and defining myself … the one that i thought i was … deep into my soul … and the one from the outside world … i was realizing it’s such a huge difference.And still … i was trying to be better … but all i was doing was … pretending … on and on and on.But why?!Why … this huge different between my inner self and the one from the stage of life?!I knew the theory … and knew all i had to do … and i was really pretending … i was doing the right thing, but … Well …. most probably my real problem … which was a huge one …. was probably that i was disconnected from my inner self.I knew about that self.I knew it exists … and i had to be one with it … and even if i was pretending i was doing the right thing … it was all a lie.I was lying myself … pretending … on and on and on …Why?!Why?!Why?!Until one day … when i decided that i need to stop doing that … and practicing the process of self therapy … i started to be more honest in front of myself.Cause … I was simple … wasting my life … pretending … and i really had to redefine myself.
Sad ... or unhappy?!
Beautiful soul.Sad face.Unhappy human.I look at them.But all look unhappy to me.And i start to wonder what is going on.Also ... what is really the difference between sadness and unhappiness.Unfortunately ... i can't clearly understand.Not yet.I believe i know it ... but it is not true.My mind is full with illusory thoughts.Then i see her.I look at her amazing charm.And i penetrate ... her beautiful soul.... wondering as an idiot why such a sad face ... and unhappy human being.Cause ... all is illogical.Unfortunately ... this is life.For ugly souls... but also for beautiful ones.
Daemons
Daemons are well hided into the unconscious There were many times into my life when all looked perfect.Well … until something happened and the dynamic of all became different.Having again an ugly existence.Even … pathetic.And i was trying and trying and trying to understand what is going on … but …Today i trend to believe that all is related to the fact that me or someone around me access some weird energies.I have the tendency to call them … negative energies, but i am not doing it anymore.All being a story about energies, some of them being beneficial to me … and some just ruining all.Unfortunately … more i dig … it becomes more and more obvious to myself … that all is related to things that are into my unconscious.Randomly coming up to surface.Weird things … which are unclear even for myself, but being a surprise.Many times … unpleasant surprises.But .. all is unclear.Confusing.I feel i am right when i say that deep inside myself are some daemons which sometimes are coming back to surface, destroying my life … but of course i look so, so weird saying it.Crazy.Even stupid.Very similar with the ones who lost their minds.But … daemons are part of my being.Randomly dominating everything.Ruining all.So … i probably have to admit that i am not conscious enough.Cause … there are too many times when i lose control on myself.Destroying all … with the pathetic shows of the daemons.The funny thing is that it’s me doing all, but probably under the total dominance of energies which i can’t really understand.Cause … yes … all is confusing.My life is a real enigma.A dynamic which i can’t understand.Probably … i’ll never understand it.I know, i feel and i accept that my unconscious hides lots of daemons which sometimes come to surface … enslaving me as a human … and forcing as my behaviour to become extremely stupid, negative, toxic … and making me look like a real monster.But …Well … it’s all a too weird story.I start to have a full picture about all what is going on, because i have clear statistics about all what is going on … but all i can probably do is to try to calm those annoying entities which are influencing my life so, so much.Well … my life continues anyway … with or without my approval.I just hope … i can become more conscious.And get rid of those influences … which i can’t accept, cause are just ruining all.Or maybe … all is an illusory hope.
THINKING LIKE FREUD
Rule number 1 in … self therapy.Whatever happens …. happens for a reason …. but it’s never what it looks like.Even if we agree … or not.A very wise thing which i realised by the passing of time is that i should accept all what happens into my life … cause there are certainly things which i don’t clearly understand …. and most probably i won’t be able to do it so very soon.“Thinking like Freud” …. is a way of expressing my influence to the public … of following the path of a so called self therapy … and always keep in mind that we should analyse and define all related to our lives.But analyse … very, very deep.…. and define with honesty … all what is going on.Keep also in mind that all is a non ending process … that … one day … might help us to understand better who we are … but also why our lives looks like they look like.Of course …. not many have a psychologist diploma …. but we don’t need one … for having this process of healing our souls.Hell … no ….I don’t have such a diploma of psychologist either … and i’ll never bother to do something so that i could get one.All i know is that i have the right …. to speak to myself … but also whisper to the others that they should try to find the elements that influence their lives … and even dominate all around … in such a profound way … that in fact the whole scenario has nothing to do with what they really wanted.All becomes a story about seeing life … and mostly our lives from on million perspective.So … the final question remains … should we bother to do it?!Maybe yes …. maybe no …But if your life just sucks …. this process of self therapy … might be the right magic pill that you should test … for a better existence.And … yes … i believe it’s better than alcohol, drugs, gambling … and many other addiction that this life has to offer to us.
The art of playing around with the energies that surround us
I was meditating over a list of tips and tricks that could help us improve our lives ... and i think the main trick we should have in mindis just ... try to not control anything at all.Only play on the stage of our own lives ... and even being surroundedby so, so many energy forces ... we should embrace all of them ... no matter if they are positive and negative.We should somehow dance with those energies and enjoy the dance itself, which actually means accept everything happens, even if it happens for a reason difficult to be understood now.You see, we have lots of options in life, like live in society and interactwith it, no matter what that means ... live in society, but practice the solitude and avoid the interaction ... but also leave this world, go in a place where you can’t find anyone around and be just you with your inner self.For most of us, what really happens ... we live inside the society and even if we don’t want to interact with it ... we are somehow forced to do it ... to better understand the life lessons we have to learn during this life time.Trying to see this art of playing around with energies ... becomes a must and we can’t survive without it.And even if we don’t want to become artists .... it’s the only art the Universe is asking us to study.But ... connecting to people becomes many times really annoying.Indeed ... there will be times when the connection will give us joy, likein a love story or the relations we have with good friends or our children ... but there will be many, many occasions when the connections will just ... hurt us.So ... do we have a choice to decide when we should stop interacting?! Well ... being an art ... you will actually understand that in the process, using some tips and tricks that i will write about ... we can connect, disconnect and then re connect anytime we want.We should not be afraid of any kind of energy ... no matter if it is positive or negative energy ... cause all around us is just a reflection of our own souls.You just can’t be afraid of ... you.If we see beautiful things, events and situations in our present moment ... it means we are in good spiritual shape ... on the right frequency.If we somehow totally dislike and disagree everything around us ... it means ... something is wrong inside of the inner soul.I’ve read lots of books over the years and i was also meditating a lot over the meaning of life ... and all i can say today is that the trick for a beautiful life is just embrace reality, no matter how that is.And if you want to change something ... try to change in the inner world ... not the outside world.You will never be able to change the reflection from the mirror ... if you don’t change what is in front of the mirror.The art of dancing with the energies from our lives ... can be learnt just as you learn the art of dancing.Connect with the partner ... and the music ... and synchronize all the movements ... for a beautiful dance.
THE DIRTY MIND
Expressing all our ideas … or thoughts is most probably …a must.Accepting that into one point we’ll be shocked discovering our dirty minds … it’s also a must.But i believe it’s all part of understanding us as humans.Concepts us spiritual ugliness … sins … and many other similar ideas must be avoid for a while … if we really want to heal our broken souls.We should not be surprised …. or socked and not try to avoid … the truth.We should simple allow our personality to be expressed the way it wants to be expressed.… and stop judging ourselves.Yes … we should allow ourselves to be wild … allow all our thoughts to be expressed in any way they need to be expressed … but also do your best to practice the acceptance …
THE PAINTER THAT NEVER PAINTS
The painter that never paintsUnfortunately many times in my life, i was acting as my friend ... the painter ... that painter that was never paintingIt was Paris ... about 4-5 years ago.Someone introduced me a lady, which was a painter ... a very smart lady ... a genius i could say and it was a pleasure to spent time with her.We became friends.We started to go out everyday to the amazing coffees shops from the central area ... the ones close to the Seine and we were talking for hours.She was telling me about her next paintings and was describing me in tiny details all the elements of the scenes.Had an amazing way of talking ... but also knew a lot aboutart.In few weeks ... me ... a guy that did not knew anything about art, started to understand what is the whole meaning of art in our lives.Soon i understand that she is not painting anymore, cause, for the moment, she does not have the necessary money for painting materials .... and right away i give her an amount that she could start again.I also promise her to not worry, cause i will give as much as she needs to continue her work.Few days later, i dare to ask her if she started to work on the paintings that she was telling me about ... and suddenly she became very annoyed.Not understanding what is really going on ... being a polite person ... i succeed to change the subject and we continued in a nice way our conversation while drinking the amazing parisian coffee, but few days later i ask her again the same question.Suddenly she changed her face and became so angry that i thought for a second that she wants to ... kill me.I could not understand what was wrong.I was asking a painter if she was started to paint ... cause now she had the money for the materials.Again i succeed to avoid the useless conflict with her, but going to her apartment, which was small like any parisian apartment ... i see no painting materials.In the end she tells me that the materials will come in few more days, cause it was a delay to her order, but also asks if i can give her some extra money, for another order also.I smile ... cause in Paris you find painting materials in the city center and she could buy them right away ... but i give her the money she asked for.Before leaving the apartment, in the last second ... i see drugs on the small table from the entrance.I smile again ... and understood she used the money to buy drugs instead of materials.I saw at her house about 15 paintings and indeed she was a great painter, but she was the painter that was actually never painted.I leave ... and i get mad.It was all a trap.I was fooled like a 5 years old kid by this lady and actually i was helping her to take drugs ... without realizing not even for a second what i am doing.She called me later on ... 100 times, but never answer her back.Even told me that she will go to the Police to make a complain against me ... but could not clearly understand why.One year later, i accidentally meet her near the Opera ... and she was pretending that she did not knew my name anymore.I smile ... we exchange 2-3 words and i leave.But one day, 2 years later ... i was meditating again over the subject for about 2 weeks.Something was unclear for me ... and did not knew what and why.I judged her too much ... but maybe i was also the painter that never paints ... many, many, many times in my life.My parents supported me to study at the University of Polytechnics ... but i was not going to courses and instead iwas losing my time in the coffee shops all day long.I was the student that never went to classes ... and i was doing same as the painter that was never painting.I complete University, i open a company and i had so many clients that sometimes i took money from my clients, spent them ... and forget to deliver the promised services to the clients.It was such a chaos at that time, that it was a total mess with the orders ... so ... i was doing what??!I was the businessman that promised to deliver some services that were never delivered.I was judging the painter ... but i was worst as her.The list with my silly mistakes from life ... was huge.I remember i read hundreds of books of personal growth ... and one day i even read a lot about management if conflicts ... and guess what i did next after i finished studying that subject?!I laugh ... while writing to you ... cause what i did was that i had more and more useless conflicts with the people from my life.So ... the best definition of myself could probably be the same as that silly lady ... the painter that never paints.
DOMINATING AND BEING DOMINATED ... a way of wasting our lives
Maybe life is too short to waste it with … useless things.Maybe it’s time to start meditating more.To analyze our behavior … but also the one of the people around us.To pay attention to the impact of influences over our lives … but also on the lives of others.Understand that … domination … no matter of its character… positive or negative …. It’s a concept that we should not allow it to become real.And we should also be aware of how a simple small influence … that is repeated on and on and on … could become … dominance …. without even realizing.
What do you want?!
We always want something.We always want ... what we don't have ... or maybe can't have.Or ... what can't belong to us.Saying "I want" ... is a lot related with the world of desires ... but carries lots of influences ... which we don't really know they exist.Rarely ... i dare to ask ... seeing myself doing lots of stupid things ... "What do i want?! What do i really want?!"And ... honestly speaking .... I can't really find a logical explanation ... in many of those occasions.I had times ... when I've promised myself that i will wake up ... and looking into the mirror ... seeing again that unhappy ugly face ... i will repeatedly ask myself ... again and again ... "What do i want?! What do i want?! What do i want?!".Today ... i trend to believe that this is the best question we can ask while realising it is time to understand us deeper.It is a very powerful question.I hated it ... for years .... believing i know what i want to say.And ... it was like that cause i always got what i wanted ... but ... i was never happy.I mean ... really happy.The expression of my face ... while looking into the mirror ... forced me repeat myself this question.On ... and on ... and on.Strongly ... believing that one day ... the answers will be revealed to me.I mean ... the real answers.Unfortunately .... I still had to continue my meditations ...Cause the answers ... were not satisfying me ...
Her mental health. My reflection.
"And on the days you don't know what to choose ... choose your mental health..."Days are passing and i become aware that my mental health is worse and worse.I pretend all is ok.But ... i guess all is obvious.I try to disconnect from the world i am living in.I try to hide the truth.Most certainly ... i've lost control on myself by a long, long time ... but i try to delay that all to become obvious for everyone.Unfortunately .... It is late.I've ignored too much ... all those details whispering that i am into a non-ending journey on a pathless path.Or maybe i should say pathless paths.I might illusory believe that i can improve things ... but ...Well ... between all those things ... i had to decide to remain calm and have a good mental health.There was nothing to choose for real.But ... i was blind.Stupid.Continuing acting as an idiot.I was not seeing the full picture.I couldn't do it.Or maybe ... not really ready.So .... I've just continued to waste my existence.Fortunately ... i was writing down everything ... everyday.As a self therapy.Hoping things will improve.Believing i must always choose between being on a pathless path and another.But …
Full Clearing Another World under a Goddess with Zero Believers: Volume 7
Fresh off their victory over the demon lord Bifrons, Makoto’s party joins Princess Sophia on a political trip to broker an alliance with Great Keith. However, diplomacy quickly goes out the window when the party is attacked by Great Keith’s Hero of Incandescence, who is known to be the strongest hero of them all. On top of that, Makoto soon hears rumors that one of his former classmates has been captured and sold into slavery. As the Roses delegation tries to get to the heart of the matter, they find themselves facing another one of the Snake Sect’s nefarious plots. And though Makoto has thwarted them before, this time, he’s at a distinct disadvantage—Great Keith, with its desert climate, has hardly any water elementals! Can Roses secure a mighty new ally? Or will both nations fall into the hands of demons?
PRACTICING … THE NONSENSE … AS AN ART
What is the non sense?What is behind it?What is hided in the things that makes no sense at all?!Why we have them in our lives?!Who’s responsible of generating that?!Are we attracting the non sense ... or we are the ones behind the creation of it?!Should we accept it ... or simple smile in front of it ... and actually understand that the non sense itself is the expression of the fact that we are on a journey on a pathless path?!Lots of question ... and maybe no real answer.Or maybe lots of answers ... but none of them is satisfying us.I was reading tons of books ... with the hope that one day ... i will find the right algorithm so that i can totally remove the non sense from my life.Until one day ... when a lady friend of mine ... that i consider an expert into dealing and understanding the energies of life ... told me ... “Why do you think the nonsense is keep appearing yourself .... but is not present at all in my life?!Why those situations are appearing on and on and on?!I am sure ... you can accept ... at least for a while ... that the problem itself is not life and circumstances ... but you.”As always ... she was tough with me, but each time i was speaking with her ... i was clarifying for myself lots of things.But the ... nonsense ... was still there.It was indeed a part of my life ... and i had to learn how to deal with it.Somehow ... i was in the position of being forced to learn to practice the non sense as an ... art.It’s quite a ridiculous concept .... but there was nothing else to do ... cause it appeared on and on and on.Each day i was waking up ... i’ve been asking myself .... what the hell is going to happen today?!What else ... could it be?!I felt trapped in a prison with invisible walls ... and i could not find any way out of this story ... so all it was left to do was to see the message behind all what was going on.And until then ... i had to redefine my perceptions about any circumstances.Somehow the Universe was forcing me to become an artist .... in dealing and practicing daily nonsense ... but i was still hoping that one day the awakening moment will appear ... and the illusion of life will be revealed for me ...
THE HUMAN BEING … an actor having so many contradictory roles
We have the chance … but also the duty … to play lots of roles during this life time.We like some of those roles… and maybe even adore it … but also dislike many of the things we have to do .. as actors on the stage of reality.If i would analyse myself into an honest way … i would even dare to say that i played one million roles …. being an angel … but also many times … a devil.Like all the others …. i’ve played so, so contradictory roles … that into the end … i would not even know how to define myself ….So … was i a good person?!Or was i … a bad person?!Hmm …The most ridiculous conclusion was that most probably i was a positive … but also a negative character on the stage of reality.I was just dominated … by duality.I had to accept it …. and also that there is no real definition for myself.I was good … bad … neutral … and …Every definition... could be true … or false … for myself.And all i had to do was to accept that as part of the scenario called … my life.
The illusion of ... not being into the illusion
Not so long time ago ... I've written the book "THE ILLUSION ... OF BEING PART OF AN ILLUSION".Honestly ... i've not really understood the title.... even if it was written by me.Today ... either.So i've started ... again as a self therapy to understand what is my real spiritual level.Experiencing incredible lies into my life ... but realising it ... I've became aware that it was all an illusion.And ... I've defined all as that.Later on ... believing i am totally changed I've started this book called ... "The illusion of ... not being into the illusion" ... but still i felt ridiculous.Yes.I had this sensation.Even pathetic.I was into the illusion ... but i was so, so stupid to believe that i am not experiencing that anymore.That ... i am awake.And ... the Universe was laughing of me, behind my back.On and on and on.I was writing.Defining all.... even in micro details.But i guess i was even in a lower spiritual level cause i was experiencing lies ... believing i can't be fooled anymore.So ... i was still fighting.... instead of smiling.Or ... even laughing.I could do it, but i was still blind.Still in duality.Still in illusion.I was only having the weird illusory sensation of being or not being into this illusion of the self.Balancing ... between believing contradictory ideas... about the same thing.But ... all was a lie.Even all i thought or felt.Meanwhile i was continuing my writing ... hoping that anything will improve.And ... the charade still continues ...
ONE DAY … ONE SOUL
Over the years i’ve been meeting lots of people ... which i the end ... i would like to call them ... souls.In fact i was dealing with thousands of them ... and i had moments when i’ve wondered myself ... why do i meet the whole spectrum of the human beings?!What is the message behind that?!What the Universe is trying to whisper to me?!But what i can say that it was funny ... was that i met people i liked, people i disliked, people that i liked and then i disliked and ... people i disliked and then i liked.The interactions were of so many different types ... that i almost started to believe that i am at school ... a school where i need to understand what the human being is.But i had to understand ... the whole spectrum of them ... no matter who they were.There were moments when i was almost forced to deal with certain prototypes of souls that i not even thought that exist.Yes ... i felt ... forced by the Universe ... to meet many of those persons ... but i knew it was a reason it was happening.I had events when I thought some people were trying to destroy me ... but at the end of those stories i had become a better and also stronger person.And i also met persons that i thought that they will somehow rebuild myself ... and ended the story with them almost ruined emotionally.But i realized one thing ... everything had a purpose ... to reveal me what life is about ... by having so many interconnections with the people from the world.Today ... same as always ... i still love socializing ... with everybody ... but i don’t judge the connections anymore.I see it as a ... life experience ... and in fact as a blessing in my evolution as a human being.I know that every human i met ... it’s just a reflection of my inner self.When i meet good people ... i need to pay attention at all those positive attributes i see ... but also keep them active as much as i can in my personality.And when ... i meet people i dislike ... i have the courage to admit that they are ... the reflection of that part of myself ... which in fact i dislike.But ... i admit that i still have moments when i believe in the illusion of life ... believe in the duality ... and that i am not wise enough.I continue to analyze and define everything i see on the timeline of my own life ... but also keep active the process of redefining myself.And i love being the witness of ... my life.
DISCONNECTING ... ... seen as un amazing trick for a beautiful life
Disconnect ... connect ... disconnect again ... re connect ... seen as a circle of life.I try to understand life.But ... it's probably an illusory desire.Most probably ... the real truth is that i want to know how can i totally disconnect from all what means negativity.Totally disconnect from .... unhappiness ... and all what makes me feel ... depressed..... my anger, my frustrations, my envy, my jealousy, my .... all this large spectrum of negative feelings and emotions.And ... i keep meditating.I keep ... exploring.I pretend i want to know what this universe is ... but all i want is to find out how i can be happy ... or at least eliminate this sadness from my soul.And more i analyse... more i feel that it is all about ... disconnecting.Cause .... yes ... i can't stop being angry if i don't disconnect from the reasons why ... i am angry.I can't stop myself be jealous ... if i don't disconnect from the reasons why i am jealous.I can't stop myself ... envy someone ... if i don't totally disconnect from that person.I can't stop being furious ... if I don't disconnect from the reasons why i am furious.But ... i am too illogical to be able to stop being dominated by ... sadness.Yes ... too illogical.I could simple keep in mind those ideas ... and the moment when i feel any negative vibe ... try to understand right away why i feel that ... and what i have to disconnect from.It is simple.But ... maybe too simple for an idiot as myself.Fortunately ... being my own therapist ... I continue this charade of pretending i am sort of a philosopher or psychologist … trying in find to find out the reasons of my unhappiness.And ... i keep analysing.More ... and more ...The funny thing is that ... today ... i trend to believe that a beautiful life is a lot related on the ability of being disconnected ... from negativity.Cause ... life itself is beautiful.So ... maybe i should become more conscious ... on the stage of life.Feel better ... the energies ... and be more selective ...
DEPRESSION … THE GATEWAY TO THE REAL HAPPINESS
Most probably … the worst disease of our times is … the depression.And … unfortunately we can see it everywhere … at many souls from the stage of our lives.But what i personally discovered is that depression is not really something … 100% negative.I see it today … more as an aggressive signal … which is whispering us that … we forgot to be … happy.Nothing more … nothing less …
The secret of a beautiful life ... is a lot related with the ability of managing the energies around ourselves
I had no idea about the fact that life is a lot related with the energies beyond ourselves.The ones generated by our ideas, thoughts, feelings ... and in fact all is in our heart ... or mind.I was not aware of the influences came from this side ... not even thinking for a second that soon ... all these energies will be metamorphosed into ... dominance.And i continued my life like that for years.... having no idea what the nonsense is.Believing ... it's real ...... and also that its appearance on the scene of life... it's normal.... us not being able to do anything against that.There were moments when i could actually see some of the ideas of why some things beyond reality influence so much the present moment .... but i was indeed ... blind.I was suffering of ... spiritual blindness.Time passed again ... and my life ... becoming kind of a nightmare ... i realised i need to change something.But what?!I had ... absolutely no idea.Well ... until ... thinking deeper and deeper ... and accepting the influences came from my thoughts and emotions .... but also that people around myself were having their own thoughts and emotions ... sometimes in total contradiction with my own ....All i had to do ... was to learn how i manage those energies ... so i finally accept that life is about the art of managing energies.... understanding them.... connecting and disconnecting from them ... but ...There was always ... a but.I was balancing between accepting and not accepting that ... even if i had to do it.In fact ... it was ... a must.I really had to learn this art of managing energies.... my own energies.... but also the ones generated by the ones from the scene of my life.And i had only 2 options.To continue allowing the nonsense to dominate my life ... or start to act like a magician ... that knows to metamorphose everything ... in whatever i would want.... but with good intentions!Well ... time passed again ... and my weird emotional dance ... kept dominating my being.I was believing and ... not believing.... allowing into this way ... as the nonsense to continue its role.On ... and on ... and on.
PERCEPTIONS
It’s all just … a perceptionMe and Arij … try to define life.We do it … almost … as a hobby.We became without even realizing … what some people would define as … philosophers.But we feel more … just … ordinary persons … that simple can’t stop thinking of the meaning of life.Our own lives … but also of life in general.And all we write … it’s kind of a philosophical dance.A mix of perceptions …. very well synchronized.The perceptions of an … ordinary man … and the one of an amazing … young … feminine spirit.And the question that might come into your mind … could probably be … what it’s the purpose of this book?!Why did you bothered to write it?!Well … first of all … cause we love talking about philosophy … but also give the others the impulse of realizing anyone has the right and the power to talk about the existence of the human being.Starting the philosophical journey … talking about contradictory issues …. might be … weird … difficult … butalso … annoying.But time will pass … and continuing walking into this path … we get used …We start enjoying it …And then …. we believe … we found the absolute truth.I smile … cause i did that one million times.On and on … and on.Later … changing my perceptions … into a totally contradictory direction … i realized the illusion of all those thoughts and believes.Today … all i am doing with Arij … it’s almost for fun.It’s like we would tell you that we decided to go fishing and enjoy the day … but …. our hobby it’s not about fishing, but about … philosophy.It’s about a path … that we believe that will reveal us the meaning … of life.All we write about … are simple … perceptions.… our own perceptions… from a certain period of our lives.Nothing more …… nothing less.But … we continue doing it.Nobody could judge us … cause it’s all about a hobby of ours.And you all … have this fundamental right of analyzing and defining the world too.No one is allowed to … judge you.Express your self …Dare to do it … in silence or … very load.Even Kant’s ideas … or Rumi’s ideas … and all the other great thinkers … were just … perceptions.So ….Join us … on this philosophical path … and ….Who knows?!Maybe the real secrets will be revealed to you … quite soon.Much sooner as you might expect ….(Adrian Gabriel Dumitru)
THE ART OF DEFINING LIFE
Truth be told we want an over night change in our lifes.There are many moments when the actual reality is very difficult to handle and looks like we have no escape at all.We dream of a quatum jump, even if we dont understand the concept very well.In few words, the reality sucks and we dream of a life that we will never have, because deep inside us, we dont really believe we will ever meet this reality.We have a fake attitude that we are looking for change, but this attitude is just a mask for our fears... as them not to be seen.So we wonder today if there is a way of how our lifes can be changed in what we think that should be better for us.Does it exists a system that we could follow and achieve our dream life?!But it must be a simple way ... otherwise we know that we will not follow the path.Everything is happening is related to us, and everything could happen is also related to us.The magic answear, because we are looking only for magic answears, is the art of defining life.Yes ... this is an art.We need to start be honest with ourself, and all the answears to simple questions as “why am i fat?! ... because i eat to much” , “why my partner is cheating on me?! ... because i did not knew to be that perfect partner that i had to be” and the list of questions will go on.We need to start defining what we dont like. Once we undestand that the change is in our powers and if we really want a change, we will start the process of achieving the new life we dream at.We dont need to go to a therapist, we dont need to study motivational issues of social media and dont even need to read hundreds or thousands of books to start the change process.The art of defining our lifes, means that we have the courage to understand what we dont like and define very clear how our reality should look like.The depression, or what we call depression, because many things are unclear in our minds, is this huge gap between where we are now and where we want to be.We are looking for a magic bridge that should help us go very easilly from one point to the other.The process itself is a very simple one, as long as we decide to be honest to us.The art of defining ... yes ... is an art.And also to live ... is an art.Once we decide that we are brave enough to live our lifes... the dream life... the magic will happen, cause all the magic is our powers.
INSERT COIN
Having dreams is .... normal.We also see people having clear goals ... and it's quite interesting... looking like a more organised person which is dreaming.... on and on and on.And the truth is ... that the human being could be defined as a machine ... that is always coming up with new and new desires.I look into my past ... and i see myself saying in front of the Universe ... i want that and that ... and that.And ... i can't stop myself ... even if i know that same as Budha said ... the desire itself is the source of all the human pain.I smile realising how i've wasted my life chasing for on million contradictory desires.... but also honestly realising ... this is a non ending story.So ... starting a weird process of self therapy... analysing all those desires ... especially the ones that obsessed myself ... I've finally concluded that in fact ... i want more to "taste" those desires.It was like i loved Rolls Royce... and i wanted to drive such an amazing car ... but i did not really wanting to pay such a huge price for this car .... the maintenance ... the taxes …the insurance etc.In fact ... all i wanted was to ... drive it ... for a while ... and enjoy the sensation of doing it.And the list of similar desires ... was so damn long ...So ... i wanted that ... and that and that ... hoping in fact that ... i'll get some sensations... which will bring me nice vibes into my soul.But .... It was only one problem.I did not really wanted to ... pay the price.Almost ... for any of those desires which were dominating obsessively my existence.Time was passing ... and i was somehow ending all the time ... being sad and disappointed.... cause my desires did not became real.Not all of them ... but many.But ... i've also noticed with some of those weird desires which i had .... that they were not what I've imagined.It was indeed all ... illusory.I could simple try and test all ... simple paying a price ... like renting the Rolls ... and see if i really want such a car.It was not that i could afford it ... but i could try to taste it ... by paying a minimum price for that ... only to understand better if that was a good path to follow or not.I had to insert ... a coin.But i was not really ready to do it.Yes ... not even pay ... a vey little price for it.I was just dreaming ... so nicely pretending i have clear goals with my life ... but all i was doing was to allow being dominated by those illusory desires.And this moment when i've understood i have only 3 choices... my life changed.Firstly ... I could ... stop dreaming.Or i could pay the price of getting that desire ... and stop being so stupid ... believing that a great dream ... costs 2 pennies.Or ... i could simple .... "taste" a little bit that desire .... see if i really want it ... and then decide if i delete that obsession from my mind ... or not.So ... all was about ... insert coin ... paying the price for it ... or .... simply stop myself dreaming with my eyes opened... like an idiot.
LOST SOULS
Being lost ... seen as an addiction ...I couldn't find myself.... by a long, long time.I was trying to find something ... which could help me heal my soul ... but most certainly it was not going to be an easy process.I needed ... therapy.But ... of course ... i could not accept something like that.I was already writing by few years.... doing it as self therapy.And ... still .... I was feeling i needed more than that.I didn't knew what ... but i knew that the right experience will be revealed to me.Sooner or later.But ... one day ... i've heard that the war started.Lots of refugees ... were coming to my country.... and my city.I don't know ... what really convinced me to do it ... but i jump into the car ... go to the bus station where the refugees were coming ... and i meet with a lady with 3 kids.I smile ... and convince her to come at me ... with her 3 kids.A lady .... policewoman ... came to me asking lots of questions.... finding it weird ... that i take this lady with me.But ... into the end ... i help her with the baggages ... and we drive to the first house which i prepared for this new story of my life.In those moments ... i didn't realised what was going to happen to me.... especially into the near future.Fortunately ... a weird inner force was guiding me ... into the whole process.So ... a lost soul ... was inviting lost souls ... to his home.That was only the start.Later on ... new and new refugees were coming to me.I was just going to the train station ... and connecting with the volunteers ... i was immediately taking another 3-4-5 people to my home.In the night ... before going to sleep ... meditating ... the same question appeared into my mind ... "How the hell ... you Adrian ... are inviting those refugees to your homes?!You're the most weird soul ... i've ever saw during this life time... and now you try to be a saviour ... for all those people ... which were running away of war?!"But ... i was smiling.I've already accepted my status ... of lost soul.I was not denying it anymore.I found it ... normal to accept it.And .... of course same as people addicted to drugs stay together, or the people addicted to alcohol prefers the alcoholics ... a lost soul ... as myself ... had to experience life ... in the company of other lost souls.But ... it was all karmic.Yes ... karmic experiences.For me ... and for all the ones that were visiting me.I guess ... all was normal.I was attracting ... souls as myself.All being ... my weird reflections.So ... a new chapter of my life started.A ... weird one.But ... extremely interesting.Revealing in fact ... that being lost ... was actually ... an unexplainable addiction ... having probably the purpose to reveal me ... while connecting with all those people following pathless path ... the secrets beyond the human being.And ... it all proved to be a story with many chapters ... and also many, many episodes.... whispering me ... abstract messages.In continuous form.
LIFE … seen as a concentration camp
The weird thing is that even if we are free beings … we feel like prisoners … trapped into an unwanted reality.And all looks a lot with a … nice concentration camp.Today … i see unhappiness everywhere.At poor people … but also at people that have all what they ever wanted.All look like prisoners into a weird prison … generated mainly by their thoughts.Unhappiness… is not depression.No…Hell no …This unhappiness i am talking about… is simple the result of the fact that happiness is not there.Is not such a big suffer …. but people are conscious that life is not what they really wanted.They simple are alive … and have a life.And … it’s ridiculous that many have all they ever dreamed … but they still carry on their faces that ugly mask of … unhappiness.I look at all those people around myself … but also at my own life … and i realise that it all looks like … we live in a reality looking more like a … concentration camp.But this is a place … where we actually have all we ever wanted … except the fact that we had became … prisoners.…. Of circumstances …. of connections with people we don’t really like … of lots of other things we can’t really accept into our lives.Of course … we are in better position than the ones … suffering of depression… which are in fact living in realities … similar with the real prisons … but still we can’t express our wildness side.We are not allowed to do it.We simple have to respect lots of rules … that are ruing our chances to be happy.This ugly concentration camp … drives us crazy … but we can’t get out from there.And it looks like … we will most probably remained trapped in there … forever.There is no real way out.So … we don’t really live in a prison … but we are still prisoners … into a weird place … so similar with a concentration camp … except the fact that we have all we ever desired.The paradox itself is that the Universe allowed us as all we wanted to become real … except the fact that we probably forgot to ask for the most important thing … happiness.So … dominated by unhappiness… life keeps going … with no real hope …that something will really change.We remain … there … not realising that being happy or unhappy can actually be a simple decision …Or maybe i should say … staying in that concentration camp … or leaving is just a decision.
KARMIC ENERGIES
Karmic stories … are ugly … or at least this is what we believe about them … but realizing we need to analyze and define their meaning very clear … and then try to redefine our inner self … it’s most probably a must.Karmic energies are real … even if we believe it or not … and it’s not easy to get rid of them.But we could start to accept that …. as part of life … and also as a spiritual journey … which we need to follow into this Universe.It might not make sense at all … but … the real truth is always revealed later …
THE DANCE OF OUR EMOTIONS IS A … NONSENSE … BUT A MAIN PART OF OUR LIVES
It is difficult to understand the human being ... but even worst ... it is even more difficult to understand our own souls.... our habits.... our desires.... our tendencies ... the ones we follow.Everything defines us ... from the past ... present and ... a possible future ... one that might appear in the way we want it to be.And when we start to analyze what is really going on with us ... but also understand that life is ... not just a collection of perceptions and emotions ... we start to keep wondering why the soul is always following so many contradictory directions.Why today we feel joy inside of the soul ... but tomorrow we feel so damm overwhelm by many negative energies ... from all around us ... that in the end makes us feel miserable …and the beautiful vibe is disappearing ... and never come back for long, long time.It’s funny cause the Universe does not want us to be unhappy, but to understand the illusion of life .... with everything that means ... problems, difficulties, hard situations etc ... but to realize that always ... at the end of the storm ... a beautiful sunny day is appearing.... and we should learn to enjoy it ... but we remain focused on the storm ... not seeing the beauty of the new sunny day.I smile seeing in the timeline of my life ... a dear friend that is keep repeating me everyday, almost as a mantra ... “It’s a new day! Let’s enjoy it!” ... and i am wondering is he smokes marihuana ... or i am totally blind ... not seeing the same reality he is watching at.Today ... what i know for sure is that my friend is not smoking anything ... but i haven’t the guts to accept my blindness ... and start treating myself.I see no difference between me and my friend ... but looking at him ... i can’t understand yet if he is still suffering of disease that i suffer by such a long time ... the dance of my emotions.I realized about this illness i have ... and i also realized ... studying the statistic that defines my life ... that my reality is just a reflection of all those feelings i carry in my soul.The short story is ... amazing vibes .... amazing life ... negative vibes ... a reality painted just in grey colors ... and nothing more.It’s quite a simple concept!But i continue staring at this silly dance of such contradictory emotions ... going to the left, then to the right ... then to the left again.The music itself ... is so damm boring ... but instead of pushing the stop button ... and end this dance forever ... i believe is a natural fact for the human being.And i accept it ... even if i should take the decision of creating the habit of connecting just to beautiful vibes ... the ones that makes me feel the joy of being alive.I suddenly realize that what i explained to my friend that it’s a beautiful dance of emotions ... is actually a collection of contradictory feelings that are ruining my life.The message of my friend was quite simple ... “It’s a new day ... let’s enjoy it!”.But maybe it was so damm simple that i did not considered it as being ... a good advise.This dance was controlling my life ... and even if i had the solution ... i was not taking any decision.I preferred to continue my life ... as a journey to lots of pathless paths ... not realizing that it is time to stop ... and ask the inner self ... “ What should i really do?! What is the path destined to me?! Which is the real direction i should follow” .... and maybe pray ... as this silly dance of annoying contradictory feelings to stop.And one day ... i started to finally think at the fact that i am not my emotions or my perceptions.My mind was playing around with me .... cause i never thought i should master my mind ... and not let the mind control myself.And the mind ... keeps generating all types of scenarios ... or perceptions ... then different types of emotions are appearing ... and many times contradictory ones ... amplified in a silly way ... and actually controlling my life.The truth is ... and i accepted that ... i had not become a master of my mind ... at least not yet ... but i started to desire as the dance ... to stop. And not just to stop now ... but stop forever.I don’t want to live like this anymore.I want a life connected ... only at the beauty of what life has to offer.So ... at least ... i have a dream.The one ... of getting rid of the non sense that was defining my life for years.Deep inside myself i realized it is a difficult change ... but once i’ve taken the decision ... and also keep it in mind as a powerful desire ... i am on the right path.I pay attention to everything ... to all the details that are influencing my perceptions and emotions ... analyzing ... defining ... as in the end to always redefine the script of my life ... and keep me connected to amazing vibes.